Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers

Luke says:

“THEY CHARGE AN ARM AND A LEG”  is the delightful tagline for Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. Do the sex workers give them the sex and then chainsaw off an arm and leg for payment? Do they only take one arm and one leg or do they mix it up? Do they bandage these guys up and send them on their way, services rendered?  Well, we’ll all just have to find out!

I’ve never seen Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers but judging by reputation and the title, we are in for a real treat. Fred Olen Ray directed this cult classic (to some). He has made over 150 films and counting and has used 30 plus pseudonyms. All low to medium budget movies; lots of action, sci-fi, horror and lucrative soft core porn made for late night subscription cable. A couple of my favorites movies of his are Cyberzone (1995) and Biohazard (1983) but looking at his IMDB page is mind blowing. I counted 17 movies with Bikini in the title, my favorite being Bikini Frankenstein (maybe a future Feast Fest movie).  He also has 14 movies with the word Christmas in the title to balance out his career. This guy also owns an independent wrestling federation called ACW where he wrestles under the name “Fabulous” Freddy Valentine. He also loaned Quenten Tarrentino a 16mm camera to make one his first film, My Best Friend’s Birthday (1987) to which was never finished. He is a true Hollywood industry weirdo.

The stars of this movie are Indie horror royalty. My favorite scream queen Linea Quigley stars in this movie. She is best known for her portrayal of the morbid punk who does a naked striptease on a gravestone in The Return of the Living Dead (1985). She has been in 125 movies and counting, mostly B-movie horror. Some of my favs of hers are Night of the Demons (1988) and Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988) and Silent Night Deadly Night (1984). Gunnar Hansen also stars in this movie as the cult leader. He is famous for his portrayal as Leatherface in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974). Gunnar was an interesting guy that preferred writing to acting. He also turned down the role of Leatherface for the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre in 2003 citing that it was offensive to remake the film. I agree bud.

I’ve been waiting to watch this movie for Feast Fest after it took me so long to acquire a copy on VHS. It is by far the most expensive tape I own because of its rarity and cult status especially amongst VHS collectors which is driven by horror fans. After a long struggle with a dickhead on ebay who would put his copy up for bid, but then when he wouldnt get the price he wanted, would bid on it himself with an alternate account, and then repost it minutes after the auction ended. After winning the auction several times and then losing to the seller who consistently refused to sell to me, I posted my frustrations to a VHS Horror collectors group I’m a member of on Facebook. A guy seeing my cries for help agreed to sell me a copy for the fair price of 275 dollars. This is by far my most valuable tape. Collectors are out of their fucking minds but, now everyone gets to see the magic of Fred Olen Ray’s Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, on the medium is was meant for, glorious VHS!